Impeccably dressed, highly persuasive, emotionally unreadable and good in a fight. Nope, it’s not James Bond. It’s the queen of dark comedy, Fleabag.
With Phoebe Waller-Bridge – creator, writer, and star of the hit BBC sitcom – drafted in to jazz up the script of troubled Bond 25 film, we wondered who would make the better secret agent; Bond or Fleabag?
Here’s five reasons the troubled heroine we hate to love could give James Bond a run for his money.
A new kind of torture
Waterboarding, electrocution, making people walk over Lego – it would all be passe compared to being forced to listen to Fleabag’s excruciating sexual exploits for hours and hours and hours. We laugh when they’re neatly contained within a 25-minute episode, but imagine an unending monologue of messy hook-ups and dirty details. Fleabag can just tie that stony Russian agent to a chair and start talking, complete with her signature eye contact. Any foreign spy will be crying, quivering and handing over the plans to their nuclear weapons in no time.
Maybe Bond has been given world renowned negotiation training by MI6. But Fleabag persuaded a celibate Catholic priest to sleep with her, which basically means she’s more powerful than god. He held out as long as he could – just as any worthy adversary does – but at the crucial moment, Fleabag was just more alluring than any omnipotent world-creating deity could ever be.
You could say that Fleabag has no experience in the world of crime, but she’s already pulled off a daring art heist. Not only did she steal the bust from Stepmother but she also used it in place of a broken business award without anyone batting an eyelid. That bust has weaved its way between characters and even after handing it back, she whipped it away again. Mission accomplished.
Good(ish) in a fight
In the fight at the end of series two, episode one, Fleabag does end up with a bloody nose, but she’s not afraid to get stuck in. Whilst probably not technically as skilled as Bond, her unorthodox tactics and willingness to defend those she cares about could make her an unpredictable opponent. I think more than a few spies would end up hurt.
It’s simple really. Plunging jumpsuits are better than dull jackets and ties. G&Ts are better than martinis, even when they’re in a can (just ask Diane Abbott). Hamster themed cafes are cuter than casinos. Hooking up with a guy from a bus who has odd teeth is still better than sex with a beautiful woman who you are going to get killed three scenes later.